Like a robot with a peg leg.

Today I had an epiphany, or as Oprah would phrase it....an Ah Ha moment.  I was running along as usual, thinking and running, breathing, and running.  I realized it almost felt robotic, like some sort of perpetual motion machine where my feet just sort of naturally kept lifting and dropping in a rhythmic pattern.  Almost how we end up going through life sometimes. 

 

But for some reason or another today I started to listen to my running.  I started to focus on my legs and I realized that my left foot was sort of dragging behind.  It was almost as if my right foot/leg was the leader and was making the forward motion, and then the left leg and foot would kind of just swing up to meet it.  Have I always run this way?  Is this my normal?  Am I a robot with a peg leg?  If this is the robotic motion that my body just does, then I could definitely use a V8.

Never did this image ring more true!

But could I change it?  It took me a few good blocks to think it through thoroughly before  I started the the actual switch to having my left leg be just as active as my right leg.   If anyone happened to be sitting on their porches enjoying the summer air, they definitely had an awkward show playing out right in front of them.  Surprisingly after a few blocks I had figured it out and it was amazing.  It was a completely different motion than I was used to, but in a good way.  A few times I went back to just jogging along listening to Bon Jovi and thinking about what color of duvet color I wanted to find for my bedroom for fall, and my right leg would just take over again with not even a moments hesitation.  I would have to restart my "new" pattern all over again.   In the end, I upped my speed by a TON!  (wish I would have figured this out a long time ago).

How honestly refreshing it is some days to feel the sense of accomplishment from learning about me and how I am strong enough to keep pushing back against my subconscious self in one way or another.  Physical or mental change takes time, and it takes hard work, lots of thought and determination.  But boy is it worth it.  Even though sometimes Bon Jovi and duvet covers are just what the doctor ordered, I would like to believe that I am in some way always trying to awkwardly change the negative patterns in my life.  Whether it is something as simple as learning to respond to my children with even more patience, learning how not to give in to my disease, or figuring out how to make my feet do equal work when running, I hope my mind is always actively trying to become something better just one step at a time. 

So here's to all of us learning how to manage our subconscious robotic tendencies, whatever they may be.